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A Trip to Home Depot

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You are in the middle of some kind of project around the

house. You are hot and sweaty, covered in dirt or paint.

You have your old work clothes on. You know the outfit...

shorts with the hole in crotch, old T-shirt with a stain

from who knows what, and an old pair of tennis shoes with a

toe sticking through one of them.



Right in the middle of this project, you realize you need

to run to Home Depot to get something to help complete the




Depending on your age, you might do the following.



In your 20's: Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a

shower, blow dry your hair, brush your teeth, floss, and put

on clean clothes. Check yourself in the mirror and flex.

Add a dab of your favorite cologne because, you never know,

you just might meet some hot chick while standing in the

checkout lane. You went to school with the pretty girl

running the register.



In your 30's: Stop what you are doing, put on clean

shorts and shirt, and change shoes. You married the hot

chick so no need for much else. Wash your hands and comb

your hair. Check yourself in the mirror. Still got it.

Add a shot of your favorite cologne to cover the smell. The

cute girl running the register is the kid sister of someone

you went to school with.



In your 40's: Stop what you are doing. Put on a

sweatshirt that is long enough to cover the hole in the

crotch of your shorts. Put on different shoes and a hat;

wash your hands. Your bottle of Brut Cologne is almost

empty, so you don't want to waste any of it on a trip to

Home Depot. Check yourself in the mirror and do more

sucking in than flexing. The sexy, young thing running the

register is your daughter's age, and you feel weird

thinking she is sexy.



In your 50's: Stop what you are doing. Put a hat on;

wipe the dirt off your hands onto your shirt. Change shoes

because you don't want to get dirt in your new sports

car. Check yourself in the mirror, and you swear not to

wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat. The

cutie running the register smiles when she sees you coming,

and you think you still have it. Then you remember the hat

you have on is from your buddy's bait shop and it says,

'I Got Worms.'



In your 60's: Stop what you are doing. No need for a

hat anymore. Hose off the dog crap on your shoes. The

mirror was shattered when you were in your 50's. You

hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole in

your pants. The girl running the register may be cute, but

you don't have your glasses on so you are not quite sure




In your 70's: Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to

Home Depot until they have your prescriptions ready at

Walgreens. Don't even notice the dog crap on your

shoes. The sweet, young thing at the register smiles at you

because you remind her of her grandfather.



In your 80's: Stop what you are doing. Start again.

Then stop again. Now you remember that you needed to go to

Home Depot. Go to Home Depot and wander around for hours

trying to think what it is you are looking for. Fart out

loud, and you think someone called out your name. You give

up and go back home with a gallon of antifreeze--in July.

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