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Mercedes last won the day on June 30 2007

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  1. I kept a copy too Adri.......it's so true and really hits home
  2. I attended a party this past weekend. After checking out all the well-dressed guests at the party, I spotted an attractive woman, standing alone, across the room. When I approached and asked her name, she coyly replied, "Carmen." Trying to maintain some sort of conversation with her, I responded with, "That's a beautiful name. Is it a family name?" "No," she replied. "I gave it to myself, because it reflects the things I like most in the world - cars and men." Then she asked, "What's your name?" "Golftits," I replied.
  3. Mercedes


    FIRST DEGREE A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The very blonde wife picked up the phone, listened a moment and said "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up. The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife answered, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear." SECOND DEGREE Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!" So the first
  4. When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 glasses of wine... A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf ba
  5. A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier. He said to the female whale, "Let's both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time; And it should cause the ship to turn over and sink." They tried it, and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank. Soon....however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore. The male was enraged that they were going to get away
  6. Story Highlights • Attorney: Diaper story, which came from police report, is "an absolute fabrication" • Attorney says there were toddler-size diapers in car that had been there for years • Former astronaut Lisa Nowak charged with attempted kidnapping of romantic rival • Police say Nowak drove 950 miles, wearing diapers, to confront rival http://www.cnn.com/2007/LAW/06/29/astronaut.arrest.ap/index.html
  7. 11 PEOPLE ON A ROPE ---One has to go Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, Ten men and one woman. The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, So they decided that one had to leave, because otherwise they were all Going to fall. They weren't able to name that person, until the woman gave a very touching speech. She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because, as a woman, she was used to giving up everything For her husband and kids or for men in general, and was used to always Making sacrifices with little in return. As soon as she finished her speech,
  8. Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam. The last question was: "Name seven advantages of "Mothers Milk." This question was worth 70 points or none at all. One student, who had partied late the night before, had trouble thinking of seven advantages. He wrote: 1. It is perfect formula for the child. 2. It provides immunity against several diseases. 3. It is always at the right temperature. 4. It is inexpensive. 5. It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa. 6. It is always available as needed. And then, the student was stuck. Finally, in
  9. Two alligators were relaxing in the swamp talking. The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, "I can't understand how you kin be so much bigger 'n me. We're the same age, and we was the same size as kids. I just don't get it." "Well," said the big 'gator, "What you been eatin', boy?" "Politicians, same as you," replied the small 'gator. "Hmm. Well, where do y'all catch 'em?" "Down 'tother side of the swamp near the parkin' lot by the capitol." "Same here. Hmm. How do you catch 'em?" "Well, I crawls up into one of them Lexus and wait fer one to open the ca
  10. My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks. As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told us that "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, that would be super." On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed and rather Arabic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. "Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines but I asked you to raise your
  11. Three third graders from Kentucky (an Irish kid, an Italian kid and a Redneck kid) are on the playground at recess. The Irish kid suggests that they play a new game. "Let's see who has the largest weenie," he says. They all agree. The Italian kid pulls down his zipper and whips it out. "That's nothing," says the Irish kid. He whips his out and proudly shows that his is at least an inch longer. Not to be outdone, the Redneck kid whips his out. It is by far not only the biggest, but the fattest. That night, eating dinner at home, the Redneck kid's mother asks him what he did at scho
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