A strict teacher was lecturing his students on the importance of being wide awake. "I've found the most effective way to start a day," he said, "is to take a cold shower. Then I feel rosy all over."
A bored voice from the back of the class interjected, "Tell us more about Rosie."


A man noticed his co-worker wearing an earring. "I didn't know you were into that kind of stuff," he said.

"It's just an earring," the co-worker replied.

"How long have you been wearing it?" the man asked.

"Well," his co-worker replied, "ever since my wife found it in our bed."


Q: Why are women like pianos?
A: If they're not upright, they're grand



Q: Why are women like pianos?
A: If they're not upright, they're grand


An elderly couple was attending a church service. About halfway through the sermon, the old lady leaned over and said "I just let out a silent fart. What do you think I should do?"
Her husband replied, "Put a new battery in your hearing aid."

A redneck came to the big city to visit some friends. They went to an Applebee's restaurant for dinner and one of the listings caught his eye: lobster tail and beer, $40.
"Damn," he said. "My three favourite things! And for such a reasonable price"



On their first night together, a newlywed couple go to change. The new bride comes out of the bathroom showered and wearing a beautiful robe. The proud husband says, "My dear, we are married now, you can open your robe." The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished."Oh, oh, aaaahhh," he exclaims, "My God you are so beautiful, let me take your picture. Puzzled she asks, "My picture?" He answers, "Yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever".

She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the bathroom to shower. He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, "Why do you wear a robe? We are married now." At that the man opens his robe and she exclaims, "oh, OH, OH MY, let me get a picture". He beams and asks why and she answers, "So I can get it enlarged!"