Wanda's dishwasher quit working so she called a repairman. Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a check." "Oh, by the way don't worry about my bulldog. He won't bother you. But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot!" "I REPEAT, DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!"

When the repairman arrived at Wanda's apartment the following day, he discovered the biggest, meanest looking bulldog he has ever seen. But, just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his work.

The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing and name calling.

Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled, "Shut up, you stupid, ugly bird!"

To which the parrot replied, "Get him, Spike!"


This one is one of my favorite jokes of all time...

Mary received a parrot as a gift. The parrot was fully grown with a very bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was a curse: those that weren't curses were to say the least, rude.

Mary tried to change the bird's attitude by constantly saying polite things. Words and playing soft music...anything she could think of. Nothing worked.

She yelled at the bird and the bird got worse. She shook the bird and the bird got madder and more rude. Finally in a moment of desperation, Mary put the parrot in the freezer to get a minute of peace.

For a few moments she heard the bird swearing, squawking kicking and screaming and then, suddenly there was absolute quiet. Mary was frightened that she might have actually hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out onto Mary's extended arm and said:

"I'm very sorry that I offended you with my language and my actions and I ask your forgiveness. I will endeavor to correct my behavior and I am sure it will never happen again."

Mary was astounded at the changes in the bird's attitude and was about to ask what had changed him, when the parrot continued, "May I ask what the chicken did?"

I've got a parrot one too

A burglar breaks into a house and is sneaking through a dark living room when he hears a voice say 'Jesus is watching you'
He freezes, looks around, doesn't see anyone..so he starts looking through drawers and things and again hears
'Jesus is watching you'
He shines his light in the corner and sees a parrot in a cage. He walks over and starts talking to the parrot.
'Are you talking to me?'
the parrot replied 'yes'
The burglar relaxes and asks 'so what's your name'?
the parrot replies 'Clarence'
The burglar, laughing hysterically, asks 'what kind of idiot names his parrot Clarence'?
the parrot replied 'the same idiot that named his Rottweiler 'Jesus'.

Those are two of my favorites... Here's another: (It's not the one I planned to put here... but that one might be too "mature" for this area.)

The Parrot and the Magician

A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience
would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the
same tricks over and over again.

There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows each
week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he
understood he started shouting in the middle of the show:

"Look, it's not the same hat"

"Look, he is hiding the flowers under the table"

"Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades ?"

The magician was furious but couldn't do anything; it was, after all,
the captain's parrot.

One day the ship had an accident and sank. The magician found himself
on a piece of wood in the middle of the ocean with the parrot, of
course.

They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This
went on for a day and another and another.

After a week the parrot said: "OK, I give up. Where's the boat?"

those are great jokes. wish i had a parrot joke to add

Yeah those are great Especially Cassie's one and Kettle's second one.

Unfortunately although my friend is constantly telling the same 'parrot joke' I don't think it actually qualifies as a joke, and nobody I know actually gets it (possibly not even her!). A lot of her jokes are like that...

Those four are great though (I won't bother posting the non-joke, the whole parrot jokes thing just reminded me of it :p)

LOL.. those are great jokes

Those jokes are so funny I like the one where the parrot became nicer because he saw the dead chicken in the freezer that is too cute

lol!

Did anyone hear that story where the guy found out that his wife was cheating on him because the parrot kept saying her lover's name?

True story, the guy thought the Parrot was trying to be loyal to him and he loved the bird for it but he had to get rid of it because he couldn't stand hearing him say the other man's name.