Airline Capers

Anne Nomilly · 22nd May 2006, 03:08 PM

Airline Capers

Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight safety lecture" and their other announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:

- From a Southwest Airlines employee: "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane..."

- From a Southwest Airlines employee: "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX to YYY. To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt and if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting withtheirs. If you are traveling with two small children, decide now which one you love more..."

- "Your seat cushions can be used for floatation. In the event of an emergency water landing, please take them with our compliments."

- "As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do *not* leave children or spouses."

- From the pilot during his welcome message: "We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately none of them are on this flight."

- Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."

Minotaur2k · 22nd May 2006, 08:18 PM

lol
some of those are really good.
*wishes he had funny flight attendants*

Santi · 22nd May 2006, 08:34 PM

None of my flight attendants have been that funny. Or funny at all actually.

**Ezekiel** · 22nd May 2006, 10:56 PM

Yeah, one time (at band camp

) I was on a flight from Logan (Boston MA) to Heathrow (London) and the flight attendants weren funny at all.

Of course this was probably due to the fact that it was a really big plane full of high school and college students going on vacation and the ruckus that ensued when the captain announced we were over international waters was less than amusing for them...

Gala · 27th May 2006, 06:56 PM

*giggle* and go read umm http://solo2.abac.com/themole/#heroes sometime

Quote:

"There had been a problem on the Central Line and as usual at Leyton you can see the trains queued back down the track, but one train was still standing at the platform even though he had a green light. I was beginning to wonder why the driver wasn't moving off when he made this announcement.

"Sorry for the delay ladies and gentlemen but there is a queue of trains ahead of us so I have decided to wait here, because I'm sure you don't want to sit in a tunnel getting hot and sweaty"

(i was on that train! its about 1/3 the way down)

22nd May 2006, 03:08 PM	#1
Anne Nomilly Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 186 Gold: 1,027 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Airline Capers Airline Capers Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight safety lecture" and their other announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported: - From a Southwest Airlines employee: "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane..." - From a Southwest Airlines employee: "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX to YYY. To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt and if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting withtheirs. If you are traveling with two small children, decide now which one you love more..." - "Your seat cushions can be used for floatation. In the event of an emergency water landing, please take them with our compliments." - "As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses." - From the pilot during his welcome message: "We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately none of them are on this flight." - Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."

22nd May 2006, 08:18 PM	#2
Minotaur2k Meow Join Date: Feb 2006 Shard: Catskills Posts: 580 Gold: 10 Thanks: 0 Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post	Re: Airline Capers lol some of those are really good. wishes he had funny flight attendants There are no stupid questions......only stupid people!

22nd May 2006, 08:34 PM	#3
Santi El Mero Mero Join Date: Apr 2004 Shard: Legends Posts: 589 Gold: 92 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Airline Capers None of my flight attendants have been that funny. Or funny at all actually.

22nd May 2006, 10:56 PM	#4
Ezekiel Wycorp--Dwarf Hunter Join Date: Jul 2005 Shard: Area 52 Posts: 2,442 Gold: 71 Thanks: 0 Thanked 8 Times in 6 Posts	Re: Airline Capers Yeah, one time (at band camp ) I was on a flight from Logan (Boston MA) to Heathrow (London) and the flight attendants weren funny at all. Of course this was probably due to the fact that it was a really big plane full of high school and college students going on vacation and the ruckus that ensued when the captain announced we were over international waters was less than amusing for them...