A woman went to the doctor's office where she was seen by one of the younger doctors. After about four minutes in the examination room, she burst out screaming as she ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was and she told him her story.

After listening, he had her sit down and relax in another room. The older doctor marched down the hallway to the back where the young doctor was writing on his clipboard."What's the matter with you?" the older doctor demanded. "Mrs. Reid is 62 years old, has four grown children and seven grandchildren and you told her she was pregnant?"

The younger doctor continued writing and without looking up said, "Does she still have the hiccups?"

A minister decided that a visual

demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.

Four worms were placed into four separate jars.

The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.

The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.

The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.

The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.

At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following
results:

The first worm in alcohol - Dead.

The second worm in cigarette smoke - Dead.

Third worm in chocolate syrup - Dead.

Fourth worm in good clean soil - Alive.

So the Minister asked the congregation - What can you learn from this
demonstration?

Maxine, who was sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said,

"As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!"

This one is an older one, but I still thought it was funny:

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each outfit."

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?"

I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not getting any tonight either....but at least now she knows I'm smarter than her.

Good One!

Burn!!

Men are just Happier People--
What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. ! Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time.

Phone conversations ! are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life. Your belly usually hides your big hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons.

You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
No wonder men ! are happier.

HAHAHAHA

Yes, men are happier!!!

hehe yeah ignorance is bliss... j/k

that worm one was dumb but i liked it

What a woman means when she says....

"Fine": this is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up

"Five Minutes": if she is getting dressed, this means half an hor. Five minutes only means five minutes if you have just been give five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

"Nothing": this is the calm before the storm. This mean "something" and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with "nothing" usually end in "fine"

"Go Ahead": this is a dare, not permission. Don't do it...ever.

"Loud Sigh": this is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "loud sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here arguing with you over "nothing".

"That's Okay": This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. "That's okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

"Thanks": A woman is thinking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say you're welcome and back away slowly.

Oh, and before I forget...

"Whatever": this is a woman's way of saying F!#@ YOU!!

If this list can help just one man, then it has served it's purpose.