source from here


Caruso the Bard sipped ale from the iron tankard, wetting his throat, and then set it down on the bar. He strode across the dark tavern and stepped onto the splintered oak table. The rowdy patrons gave a colossal drunk roar, ready for some more entertainment.

As the bard unslung his lute and started to tune the strings, voices came from the darkness shouting requests.

“Do Battle of Dragonspire!”

“Do The Legend of Cavell Griffoneye!”

A lewd voice was loudest of all, “Do Busty Princess Dairyample and the Corset of Tightening!”

With the last one, all the men lasciviously shouted in agreement and banged tankards on the tables. The bard smiled as he continued to tune, and then shook his head. He declared, “No, my friends. Tonight you hear the Epic Tale of Prince Caspian And The Kingdom Reborn Client!”

Intrigued murmurs filled the dark tavern, which died to a hush as Caruso’s nimble fingers wove a driving melody. He sang in a metered voice;

“Brave Prince Caspian, on his nightly rove
Found himself in the Blighted Grove
Lady Melisinde beckoned with a gnarled finger
Smiling in a way that chills thine singer
An arboreal fray for Caspian and his guild
Drew back his Horselord, yet he stilled

For the client had crashed, well-a-dee-day
He logged back on dead, well-a-dee-day!

Caspian rose to a companion’s ress spell
And more heartache ensued as he could not tell
Where his damn corpse was on the ground
With all the party indicators packed all around
Which look just like your corpse indicator you know
And a vicious satyr crept in and laid him low!

But the screen did not darken, ho-de-hey!
The system froze up, I regret to say.

Following a reboot brave Prince Caspian was back,
Dead again naturally, so the screen was black.
His companions must revere him, Caspian guessed
For all he did so far is die and get ressed. (Repeatedly)
He re-equipped fast and charged the Twisted Queen
And naturally was greeted by a frozen screen.

Another crash, it’s getting old, fiddle-de-dee!
Kiss goodbye another 3k gold, fiddle-de-dee!

Caspian ressed again to re-enter the brawl
But the characters on the screen moved at a crawl
The party all mobbed her, swords flashing all around
It takes thousands of points to bring the lass down
The Lady Melisinde crumpled dead to the floor
And Caspian’s contribution was 120 to that score…

What we have learned from this story, my inebriated friends
Is not to run the KR client, it leads to some abrupt ends
Especially in group combats, as you can plainly see
You’ll soon appear before Charon demanding his fee.
So the final lesson you may take from this song
Is to run it in 2D if you wanna live very long…

With that, Caruso hit his three signature chords that he plays at the end of every song. The crowd cheered mightily, and Anna the barmaid brought the bard another tankard of brew. As he bowed and stepped off the table, Anna winked and whispered, “That was even better than The Age of Shadows Housing Telestorm Ballad, milord!

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*Bows

Thanks for the story.

When we gather for after work Guitar Hero.. I just know i'll be mentioning the Corset of Tightening to everyone. heh.




Dave "CatHat" Brown -
UO Character and Environment Artist -
EA Mythic -
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Is that Leurocian?

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I'm a little taller than that Kitty. But wow...that Kitty can jam!



Patrick "Leurocian" Malott
Game Designer, Ultima Online
EA Mythic

lol