Standing watch over the Ettenmoors from Lugazag, I received a sealed message. It was not from Eowyna, but I hoped her Diplomatic Travels were going well. I broke the wax seal on the parchment and unrolled it:

Greetings, citizens of Landroval!

As many of you are undoubtedly aware, I am Pretzel, Tyrant of Brandywine, benevolent leader and Cheesy Highness to all, creep and freep alike. Since I have unified all Brandys under a single, terrible banner, I now turn my gaze to you, our eternal enemy. So, it is time I believe, to make you aware of our take-over.

I shall be sending a representative over to your people, to negotiate our take-over of your territories and peoples. Naturally, you will accept all terms offered, and demand none. Cheesy dip, chicken nuggets and orange drink will be your new staple foods, and you will be expected to adhere to all laws laid down by your benevolent Tyrant, or be banished to the Sofa Pits™, quite possibly forever. As anyone can tell you, this is a most horrible fate! Rebellion will not be tolerated!

On second thought, we will not need to send a representative, as your vehement compliance is assured. Just be sure to send your tribute on a weekly basis, and all will be well.

To ensure the peace, sentries will be placed in these lands until further notice. Upheaval, revolts, protests and/or riots will not be tolerated! And have a nice day.

I began to grin "Bring it!"

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