You read right, Gak is out and about(Or uut and abuut for you Canadians) across the lands. I decided to take Gak with me as I journey on vacation, so you won't be seeing him around much these next two weeks. I told him I would try and let him loose back in Paxlair on Tuesday so he can attend the opening of the pizzeria.

Day 1: Gak and I are packed and ready to go. He isn't taking a lot, thank goodness. I did bring some Gypsy tears to protect him from AIDS, and a few mojo waters. I hope the cops don't find them. I heard they were contriband in Illinois. We made it all the way through Misseri without incident. The food fight that broke out at Denny's was NOT my(ur Gakz) fault. It started before we arrived. We rested for the night in the land of Lincoln, Springfield, IL.

Day 2: We are up at the crack of dawn to make it to Indianapolis for a tour of the Indianapolis Motor Speedway.
I did find out some interesting things:
No matter how much I bribed the guard, he wouldnt let me take my car out on the track, even if I did have my helmet and credentials to go that fast in my car.
Indiana is the American Indian word for "Road that Suxxorz"
I look like Kyle Petty. (Had I known, I would have tried this angle with the guard first, before offering a bribe. It might have worked) I had two people ask me for autographs. I wondered why some people were looking at me funny, I figured I had a bugger.
I did try and get intouch with Blue Collar before I got into town, but was unable. He was the only person whose number I had from Indianapolis meetup three years ago. If you read this Blue, leave a message I might be coming back through town.
The Police in Indianapolis are the best. I was pulled over for speeding. (He didnt radar me, but I was moving at a good clip, had he radared me, I might have gone to jail) I pointed to a car with flashing lights up ahead, and told him I thought that was "the official pace car of road construction" and I was trying to catch up. After some chit-chat about the car he let me go. Very Cool!! Stayed the night in Dayton, Ohio.

Day 3: Got up and toured the Airforce Museum on Wright Patterson Airforce Base. Amazing place. Will have to stop there on the way back through, could spend three or four days there. I have found a new mode of transporation, I just need to gather the cash for my own A-10 or P-51.
I discovered that Ohio changes meaning depending on which side of the state you are on. The western side Ohio means "Right lane closed ahead"; on the eastern half, Ohio means "Detour". Rain as stopped our journey for the night a few hours from Cleveland. I hope I will be able to see the river on fire in Cleveland after it gets dark tonight!!

Day 4: Did not make it to Cleveland. There was flooding everywhere, and we feared that any fires from the river in Cleveland might spread across these flooded areas. We took an "Ohio"(see day three for meaning of word) that landed us in Canton, home of the Professional Football Hall of Fame. What a wonderful place full of pictures, helmets, shoes, socks, jockstraps, and footballs of players of yore! Gak and I enjoyed watching the videos of toothless players stomping on eachother. I explained to Gak that the player that scored the most touchdowns each game got some feo-orkies and the team that did the best all year long got a ring full of shines and sparklies. He now has a new favorite humie sport.
After I noticed him trying to break into the case that held rings from all the super bowls, I decided it was time for us to leave. We made our way to Pittsburg, Pennsylvania.
On our way to Pittsburg, we passed through West Virginia. Gak made note of three taverns all with "Hillbilly" in the name, and all had drive through liquor stores beside them-And we were only in West Virginia for 15 miles or so. We made it back to civilization(Pennsylvania) without incident. We raced along the hilly and curvy roads at "Gruul-like speeds", so we both enjoyed the ride.
Upon entering Pittsburg, I got us good and lost. This caused us to be late for the opening of the Pizza Shop in Paxlair- Gak was extremely pissed at me for this. He would be even more upset if he knew that he missed out on clomping, so lets not mention this to him... After we became unlost, we stayed at the closest hotel to Heinz Field that we could find and settled down for the evening. We nearly got kicked out because Gak was seen peeing in the bushes infront of the hotel, but after explaining the "cultural differences" to the management, we were allowed to stay. (gotta love diplomatic immunity)

Day 5: We get up early for the tour of Heinz Field. We got to go everwhere in the stadium- Suites, pressbox, security monitoring room, tunnels, Locker rooms, and onto the field. Gak was well behaved even though I was sure he would make a fuss that he could win a feo-orkie for just showing up. After the tour, we left Pittsburg and made our way along more curvy roads to the town of Gettysburg. We asked the smartest person we knew, Winmere, what the correct pronunciation of the word "yuns" was. Gak was correct that the word is "ewe-ins", which is similar to the midwesten term "Ya'll".

Day 6: We toured many of the sites of the battles for Gettysburg. Gak made note the of the "humie on humie clompin" that went on there. Over 50,000 soldiers died here in three days of fighting...brothers fighting brothers. This confirmed, to him, that Orcs are more civilized then humans; in this respect I have to agree with him. We will return in a few days to continue the tour of the battlefield. Gak was impressed with the artillery used in the battle, but could not fit a cannon into the car. I am often most thankful for the little things. We left Gettysburg and are staying the night close to Carlisle, Pennsylvania. We will be there for the next few days.
I would like to thank, in advance, Tat, who said she would be buy me new tires if I do not win the burn-out contest. Thanks Tat, you are the best, I dont care what Gak says about you.

Days 7, 8, and 9: Spent three days moseying around, looking at all the cars, and having a good time. We fought traffic, fought the heat, and fought mosquitoes. Gak claimed victory, but I'm not too sure. We did not win the dyno-test, autocross, or the burnout contest. I blamed Gak, Gak blamed the humies. We did blow both tires in the burnout contest. I hope to have pics soon. I did not see any of this 'tire cloth' that Tat spoke of, just lots of cords. Still, I need some new rear tires. Tat, I'll need two 285/35/r17's. You can leave them out the back door and I'll come by and pick them up. If it's easier, you can send them 1313 Old Highway to Hell Rd, Styx, Hades 66666. Please Address them care of "Second in Command"; the big guy hates to recieve my UPS (Underworld Packaging for Sinners) packages.

Day 10: Trekked back to Gettysburg to continute the tour of the battlefield. We could have spent several days here. I'm hoping that Gak didn't pick up on any battle tactics. We headed for home in the afternoon. Tat, I swung by to pick up the tires, but they were not there. I believe this angered Gak. Please mail them to above address.

Dey Ash'ash: Gak ib takin ober da blahin tudey. Gak wud drybin agh drybin agh drybin. Da humie wud drybin Gak krazee tu. Demz nud wund tu pley guud clompin muzik un da raydo. Da humie wud drybin su slo dat Gruul kud prugh run cyrklez arund Gak! Wy du humie mak rodez dat nub prugh tu bi repayrid? Gak dryb tu Deytun, Ogh-hy-ogh. Nexid dey Gak ib guin bak tu Ayr-foorz Muz-em agan. Gak nub neeb tu fli doh, Gak uz mojo! Baz Reel Pur!! Demz wurk reli guud.
Da humie wud nub led Gak tak Gakz O'ligz ur Wompir alung. Dat wud nubhosh. Dere wud nub angee feo-orkiez angeewerz. Gak dib phynd suum shiniez un da uzg. Gak uz deze shiniez tu git Gak suum korn dugz. Demz ib reli guud! Agh demz comz wid tooph pyk!! Gak need tu gid Klug tu mak dis bubhosh fuud. Gak herd dat da meet ensyd ogh demz wud Ilid eer.

Day 12: Toured Airforce Museum again. Got to check out the Presidental Planes and Older expermental planes. In two days, we barely covered a third of everything at the museum. Definately worth visiting again. Stayed the night in Springfield, Illinois.

Day 13: Arrived back to the double-wide hut. I believe Gak is working on making his weapons better now. He seemed to be scheming all the way home; I could tell by the way he was picking his nose and tossing the buggers out the window.

Total miles traveled: 2781 Miles
Total number of pictures taken: 1,182
Number of bugs hit: 1,732.5(Cliped a grasshopper in West Virginia)
Total humiez clompid: Zuth
Ate at Bob Evans: 5 times

Added more entries. Would like to apologize, to everyone that showed up for the opening of the Pizza Shop, for keeping Gak from being there, especially to Lenora and Jhym. It was not Gak's fault, I accept all the blame for his absence.

*snorts and giggles* I do believe you misunderstood me! We don't make tires at my plant, but the fabric inside the tires... I'll be glad to send ya a string

actually... I did happen to run across my 2007 mail-in rebate coupons for Goodyear / Dunlap / Kelly tires.... These are only good through the end of December... tell Gak they're good for krak [5], ash-zuth [10] or ash-krak [15] shinies [bucks] per tire.

I have 12 coupons if anyone else wants some.... The only problem I've ever seen with these coupons unfortunately is you have to go to a Goodyear Service store which jacks the prices up higher than the coupons are worth

Added days 7, 8, and 9

Added the last days- 10, 11, 12, and 13. Hopefully will have pics soon.

Megaz red diz an fink dat it waz 'oomie speak. Mega iz warbozz ob diz land an lat nuw dat only shamunz ab da powa tu speak sum 'oomie tung. !!! orc iz yug an wure iz yug furt? mega wunt tu se it an kum take it ova!

Lat cin reed? Ib lat shamanz?

Gak blah purdy guud humie. Lat nub kud gruk wud Gak ib blahin?

Da humie blah mozid deyz ogh da trabelz. Gak blah abud dey ash'ash. Da furt ib kloze tu Orkuzg en Felukka.

I really enjoyed your trip! It was almost like I was there, only I didn't have to smell Ga'kuct's *fartz* Windows down, 90mph, and orc fartz disappear, so I've heard!

How did you convince Gak to go with you? Did you promise him dancing feo-orkies? It was a totally enjoyable trip, and I never had to leave home! Rulg!