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**Tabbitha** · 26th April 2006, 05:57 AM

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Poste for the 21st-April-2006
was brought to you by the always trustworthy Lieabit Moore.

More Bombs in Trinsic
Will Trinsic go BOOM?

Last night, yet again more bombs were found in Trinsic. It's rumoured that the planter of these bombs left a tip somewhere in Trinsic which was picked up by the Guards, and apparently led them right to the Bombs! It's unclear as to the exact details of this latest bomb attempt, however Guards were later heared muttering about some fool running through town with a ticking bomb! We can only hope that who ever that fool was decides to take a better way to get out of town next time! Though you're reporter here is rather greatful as it is believed one of the bombs was planted in our very offices!

No one seems to have been arrested over the recent attacks on Trinsic, so does this mean that it's not over yet?

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An EXCLUSIVE
By Molly Culliton

As your intrepid reporter strolled along the leafy highways and byways of Yew last night, she was accosted by a fellow demanding to know why I was wearing such fancy clothing. Now between you and me, dear readers, I was wearing a plain off-blue dress – the skirt of which being newly ruined by a large inkspill. Little did I know that my conversation with this myopic madman would lead to such an eventful evening! After a brief tussle involving my notebook being confiscated by this helpful ‘VC’ we came across a camp, into which assorted members of the general public were being directed by the doorstaff.

You can imagine my surprise when I came face to face with none other than Klion d’Gar, and how delighted I was to be invited inside for an exclusive on the new militia spa. Apparently the brainchild of the self-styled Lord Pro’, this charming, if somewhat unorthodox Holiday Camp caters to those folks that perhaps, under normal circumstances, couldn’t afford to treat themselves to a luxury break. Chosen seemingly at random as they passed through the forests of Yew, peasants and flowergirls, stray drowlings and tavern-hands were escorted through the gates of Arduin to enjoy the many delights of the spa. Cool moss-pools, earth floors, and bijou changing-rooms decked out with those classy yet practical orc-esque sharpened posts make for the ideal spot to relax and escape from the daily grind.

Games and tutorials are laid on for those who seek diversion from relaxing on the furlined bedding, and set in its deep forest locale, there’s little fear that townsfolk will be disturbed by the excited yelps and squeals of excited sparring partners or the happy sobbing of those so grateful to be given the chance to learn new skills, such as woodcutting and lumber-hauling. As if that wasn’t enough, there’s even cabaret-acts laid on, gratis. I was fortunate enough to catch not one but two during my brief visit.

First up was the hilariously funny “If Daddy Says So” show with the simpleminded Danifae d’Gar. In a spark of creative genius this show is fully interactive, and actively involves the audience, who the dimwitted d’Gar daughter refers to as ‘the criminals’. Oh how we chuckled as question after question was responded to with replies such as “That’s up to my Dad…not me” , “I don’t think so…”. “I’m not sure…” and the classic “If Dad… said you should be here.” Was it the vapid expression or the brainless answers that made it such fun? I don’t know, but one things for sure. Anyone that plays airhead so well could give Giggles Quaintly a run for her money!

The second act was a slapstick extravaganza with resident jester Dribbling Glyndwr. Playing the part of a mentally-challenged trainee guard Glyndwr ranted and raved “I think you're un-armed and wearing rags, so I don't really care what you think! You'd think after the first few beatings they'd learn it's easier to just -shut up-!” On and on he went, and when I introduced myself he didn’t let up a bit! “I wouldn't mind if her Sosarian was perfect,” he chided, unaccustomed no doubt the Lyceum-educated lilt of we broadvowelled ‘Glowians, “Britannian, I mean!” he went on. “Uh? You’re a slave now, Journalist slave! So get used to your new job!” Sadly, as his skit ended, so too did my mini-break.

All things considered though, I’d honestly have to say that the thing which sets the camp apart from all of the other resorts I’ve enjoyed over the years, would have to be the staff. Referred to throughout as “Sergeant” one Leo Madsen was noted to be going that extra mile to make sure everything ran like clockwork…making sure one of the holiday-makers who had suffered some discomfort during a massage, presumably, received copious amounts of bandage, and tending to those special little touches such as on-site meals and even, at one point, some much needed paper for me to take notes on, in the form of a crinkled poster, no less. Another mention goes out to a young woman with long dark hair - clearly a keen physician - who refused to give me her name, but acted above and beyond the call of duty from the time folk entered the camp and were given their snug grey plain-woven leisure-clothes to those precious parting moments where the ‘prisoner’ gets led deep into the forest and enjoys that which is jovially referred to as ‘good hard kicking’ before waving a very, VERY fond farewell to Camp Arduin!

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22nd April 2006 Edition was brought to you by the beautiful Polly Patterson

Slave Workers Free!
Saved by the brave...
Chaos broke out yesterday evening as Tammy, an escaped captive aided by a trusty group of "merry men" freed Klion D'Gars camp of slave workers injuring a good handful of his goons along the way.

Bombs were thrown at the guards guarding the large metal gates distracting all giving the poor prisoners enough time to dig their way out of the hell hole using merely metal spoons or their own blistered hands. Though when given the word all guards diverted their attention to the escapee's using whatever methods they could think of trying to knock them down and drag them back to their smelly and mud filled prison.
"They were trying to make us build some form of fleet." says a woman who wishes to remain anonymous "They beat us and starved us..... We had to fight each other for food." claims a striking half drow named Te'Ani Von'Sah.

Grab your pitchforks and torches ladies and gents I think its time to put Klion and his goons in his place (and no that doesn't mean inside a hungry bog thing). And everyone from the morning poste's hearts are out to all those injured in the traumatic episode.

Trinsic Freedom fighters

As most know recently a group calling themselves the "Trinsic Freedom Fighters" have been placing bombs in numerous places around Trinsic. It has now been clarified that it was on single man trying to get his own moments of fame, however the manic while creating his next bomb was blown to piece and Trinsic is now safe again.
However citizens of Trinsic remain alert just incase anyone else has any fantastic ideas of blowing us all to shreds! It is now being said incase of future bomb attacks all new and old guards are being trained in how to deal with them.

Duke Irvyn a numerous amount of times has stated that no citizens should take any unnecessary risk as his first priority is for their safety.

[Glad to know you've got our backs Dukey old boy! - PP*]

An alliance fades...

And so a grand alliance between the duchy and the Dark cloaks seems to be breaking. Some have said this is because of the recent bombings and that a Miss Delacy had offered the services of Kheldar Ancalime and our very own drunk Lyim Rashidat to deal with disarming the bombs. It doesn't take a genius to know that the duke and Mr Ancalime would rather lick a dirty yewians foot than be seen in the same room together. However along side Lil'Alures abduction and torture charges against a member of the Duchy a Miss Stacy Furnell a known member of the cloaks had to be forcibly restrained after threatening with a warfork, spitting and snarling at the Duchy guards.

[Not a very lady like thing to do is it Miss Furnell. You get a 10 for femininity -PP*]

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The Sunday Supplement - was brought to you by the Lovely Lola Rennt! on 23rd April-2006

Up In Arms!
Our exclusive on the Big Camp Horror.

Klion. Yes, darlings it's true. No, not that he's the Big Camp Horror himself (that title, when applied to a specific person is for another that graces these pages) but the mastermind behind all things evil and Yewish (which seems to be ever-more apparent these days.) There was a time when we felt close to our Yewish breathren, but when they can kidnap our people, force them into labour for purposes of creating an invasion force - well, something has to be done.

And what should we do? Pester your local duke \ ousted public representative \ maestro, whatever, and get forces together to prepare to defend our homes and our hearts. Because we'll all soon be chanting in their churches, singing their praises, and rubbing shoulders with the next vile oik who thinks that just because someone is from the south, they're a kind of lesser being.

To those in Yew who read this article, I trust that you will make sure that your leaders know the error of their ways, by reminding them that their dreadful behaviour will not go unpunished.

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